Race 11 of 2012 Vineman Blog

OK so this blog I am actually trying to write before months pass by and I forget all the details of the race.
So this is not just a race blog but also the trip blog.
Martin was my co-pilot for this trip. I was lucky enough to have a good friend willing to help with him during the race.
Day 1- Wake up 2:30am departure 3:30am. Martin slept the first few hours of the drive. I fought off sleep and had to pull off 3 times until I finally pulled over handed him my phone said wake me up in 10 min. Somehow that little teeny snooze did the trick and I rallied then rest of the drive. We did not head straight to our final destination. We took a detour through the country including Gilroy the garlic capitol to San Jose to pick up Mary. After we got her we took the scenic route through San Francisco and across the Golden Gate Bridge. We finally arrived at our home for the weekend our condo in Windsor. A trip to the grocery store where I bought WAY TOO MUCH FOOD! Then Martin and I relaxed at the pool.
Day two- not much going on with the team so we headed to Johnson Beach where the swim start was to check out the wetsuit demo (it was lame). Then we headed to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour! THAT WAS FUN! I was not eating sugar so I skipped the jelly bellies but it was neat to see the ins and outs of jelly beans. After lunch we headed to Johnson Beach to swim with the team. Lisa watched Martin & Jackson swim in the river while we swam.
This was my first time swimming in fresh water. The river was WARM and GROSS! There was algae floating around and at first it startled me and creeped me out! It not much different then swimming in the bay on the gross scale but the water was nicer and the amazing towering trees and scenery was better. After the swim the team went for pizza & beer...AKA as gluten heaven...I skipped the dinner and went to Armstrong woods with Martin, Lisa & Jackson. It was a small redwood preserve just a mile or so from the swim. We walked around checked out the tall trees and then headed for the condo for dinner & sleep.
Sat morning was full of team activities. We met back at the swim and went over race preview. We then were going to get in the cars and caravan over the 56 mile bike course. I of course realize as it is time to leave 1. I am out of gas & 2. I forgot my wallet which I needed to get gas AND my photo ID. I will need for my bib pick up. My stress/blood pressure went through the roof. Luckily I had some random cash in the car and got gas but was going to have to go back to condo before bib pick up. The course preview started once I got gas. We went only a few miles when I get a "I have to go to the bathroom". About 10 miles in Trent pulled off I took this as an opportunity to take Bugs to a bush to pee. As soon as I got him out of car Trent says this is private property lets go. I tried to rush Martin (you can't rush this you know). He doesn't like peeing in public as it is. This turned into a battle royale. ME-stressed about the race, PMS, having Mary in the car waiting & knowing she can't miss the caravan, me not wanting to miss the caravan that is now taking off, my son needing to pee but refusing knowing he will be complaining in the car the whole time....HIM-stressed out, been in the car for endless hours over 2 days, not caring about bike course preview, needing to pee but not able to be rushed and forced....Julie said take your time. I said I can't Mary is waiting. Luckily she got Mary & they were able to complete the bike course preview. I on the other hand missed the preview, spent the next few hours crying as did my son. We both yelled at each other & were completely frustrated. We got back to the room and both apologized realizing our stress led to a stupid fight. I was even more freaked out now about the race. I had no clue of the course. All I had seen over the last 2 days was serious triathletes biking & running in their ironman finisher swag. I realized I was in no way ready or capable for this event. I never should have signed up. This whole trip was more then I should be doing. I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS RACE AT ALL!!!! I had felt this way for a long time but going through the motions because I made the commitment. I felt so stupid thinking I could do this at any point. I could NOT stop crying! I made a call and was talked off the ledge my a friend. He helped me view the race as not a whole but little bits to tackle one at a time. That did help a little cause I knew I could do the swim. So I just said to myself just swim after that whatever happens happens. It didn't change the fact that I didn't want to be here and doing this. I knew that if I woke up in the morning not wanting to do this I would fail. Most of the getting to the finish is about mental. I went to the EXPO and got my bib and set up my T2. I was still crying and did not want to be around anyone. I didn't even want to be at the expo another minute but I wanted to say hi to my high school friend Jeremy and his sister Sarah who were also racing. As soon as I chatted with them I bailed. We had out inspirational dinner which after getting terrible directions from GPS we made it. It wasn't all that inspirational to be honest. The food was good. Lisa came and got Martin for the night so I could head to race day solo. We had our team meeting after dinner. Trent gave a good talk and I was ready to leave again cause I was so not into this. A teammate stopped me and said she wanted to talk. I am sure she could either tell or was told I was a basket case. She said "you are a strong woman, from what you have said you have been through a lot of tough things in your life. This race tomorrow is nothing compared to that." "we are just gonna swim, and bike, and run, that's all" "we can do that it is nothing like what you have been through ok". THAT WAS IT, THAT WAS THE PERSPECTIVE I NEEDED. Somehow everything changed for me and I realized I could deal with this. It was just one day, and it really is nothing compared to the "stuff" I have been through in my life. Thank God she took the time to talk with me, she is I am sure also worried and stressed about her race. I went to bed feeling so much better about the race and ready to take it on.
Race day- wake up 3:45am meet team at 4:30am and head over to Johnson Beach. All my stress and anxiety was gone. I had taken all the pressure off and found perspective through my two convos. I decided not to rush any of it and just take my time and get it done when I got it done....to be continued