Conversations with God

The marathon is 14 days away. We are in taper mode now. Reducing our training allowing the body to repair & rest & get ready for the race. This week I didn't run at all. I was wiped out physically AND mentally from the 21 mile run. I felt pretty defeated because I've been exhausted. My work schedule changes in one week. I hope getting more sleep will solve some of the problems I have with being so tired...
Before the big run & all my runs I say a little prayer that goes something like " ok Lord I need you to help me, I can't do this with out you" Then during my runs I talk to God about a lot of stuff (when I swim & bike too but right now I'm just running. I can't wait to get back to all 3). When I'm with the trainer or in boot camp or spin it's not the same. There is more like "shout outs" to God when I need strength to push through.
Even though I'm running with other people I usually end up alone (usually trailing behind). Lately the #1 thing I think about is my brother. It seems crazy sometimes cause it's not like we were super close & I saw him frequently. I have found it doesn't matter...it's a piece of you gone forever. A person that was supposed to be present that is not. On my big run I lost sight for a moment & a friend reminded me how I said I would do this for him. I made it about me & how hard it is & the pain oh my word the pain I'm going through.
My kids talk about Uncle Noel a lot, my parents are suffering a lot of sadness, I am still fighting the desire to know the logic of why this happened.
That is my conversation each run. God why did this happen? Oh wait I'm never gonna make sense of it. Ok well can you help me not be sad for him. Can you help me make the most of my life for his sake. & God can you please answer the burning question on my heart...did he make it there with you? It may sound like heavy convos to be having with the Lord while training but I live an insane life/schedule I'm glad that this is the time I do have. Somewhere between being a stay at home mom who cooked & crafted to becoming a single working homeschool mom I find myself constantly going!!! I remember before my son was born my talks with God were all day everyday. Once there is little kids quiet time, alone time is scarce.
When I go fishing it's different too. I mostly am praising & thanking God for his creation, filling back up with joy & enjoying the gift he gave me to fish (it's an odd talent for a girl).
It's like when I'm training all the junk comes out. I can't put up barriers or fight my emotions cause I don't have the ability to. It takes all I got to do the run so God gets to me. My sweat is like tears and layers of pain melting away.
The triathlon training was healing my pain from the divorce. The marathon training is healing the loss of my brother. Neither pain will ever be totally gone but God meets me & talks with me. He pulls me through each step. He never leaves my side.
I will never take credit for anything that I do because each run starts with me asking God to help me & He never fails.

On our run this week Christian our coach & Donna both shared tips & horror stories & triumph stories. We actually ran the last part of the marathon course. I tried to imagine what I would be going through when I would be in the exact spot in 2 weeks. Christian said I won't sugar coat it you will be miserable. She said at the end to take out your headphones and absorb it all. She said people will be cheering, you will be crying, crossing the finish line will be something you never forget.
Donna talked about how her husband cried he was so proud of her dedication & seeing her finish.
Christian keeps stressing have fun, enjoy it. She runs for fun! The marathon is the celebration of what you've been working on.
In the seminar the talked about visualization. Spending the next two weeks running through the race in your mind (the positives!!! I have to keep reminding myself of that). Part of that for me is visualizing how God is gonna be there with me. I keep talking to him about how I'm counting on him! I just visualize this amazing spiritual experience. I've already experienced this in my life different times so I know he will do it again! "blow my socks off" my friend said...it's true he will.
They suggested driving he course and we are. Friday before the race we are going to the expo & driving the course. I'm actually just looking forward to spending the day with Elizabeth. In the past she has had a gift to bring me back to focus to calm to be a rock when I need one...I am visualizing I will need this pre-race!
I'm not putting pressure on myself to get a certain time. I just wanna show up, meet God there & finish the race with him.
The work in me is not finished so this is just a other part of the process.
We have a lot more to talk about....




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone