The winning side of losing

I usually leave the weigh loss chronicles to my friend over at Chubby Diaries (awesome blog btw) but weight loss is also part of my journey & I want to share that as well.
I did so well last year when I did back to back challenges at the Y. (competitive much?!) I literally smashed the competition! This fall/winter I did terrible during the weight loss challenge I did online. Just for reference & cause I am not going to let the #s shame me (& I may be off doing this from memory)
First challenge Jan 2011 start weight 188 6 week final weigh in 166
Second challenge start was 167 final weigh in 154. After that I did get down to 150!!!! I wanted to see 140s so bad & something happened between champagne brunch, weddings, birthdays & the holidays...I slowly fell right back into old habits. It's a cycle that starts with one over indulgence, that leads to disappointment, to loss of self confidence, to depression, to not caring & giving up. Then the cliches come out: I will start over tomorrow, start Monday, after this event I will get back on it...yet the numbers go in wrong direction. During the past few months I let the scale get up to 167. That means all the weight I lost second challenge was back. I haven't forgotten how hard I worked or the dedication I put it. Makes it hard not to hate myself & be mad or disappointed.
I guess I can say thank God for new years & the ability that I found to get back "in the zone". The #s are headed in the right direction now! Weighed in today at 162...I can not wait to see the 150s again & be back in my size 8s!
As I struggled with back sliding I talked with a friend who also had great success in 2011 only to put the weight back on & now losing again. He had all the same emotions I did & was able to encourage me. He said concurring it the second time means even more then the first. It proves something to yourself & everyone what you are capable of AND you realize how easily it can all slip away.
I hope I've learned this lesson once & for all. I want to get the final push to goal weight & then learn to maintain it for life.
Looking back though I can't help but be so proud even where I am today

Race #1 of 2012

I can't recall the exact # now BUT I am pretty confident it is 12 races in 2012. & I honestly hope that is all I do! First race of the year was the Resolution Run 15k on Mission Bay. I do love my long runs & 9.3 miles is a great distance for me...except...that I had my first TNT brick workout the day before! I was very concerned what if any energy I would have left for the run! I didn't have a pace plan or finish time goal, just wanted to have a nice fun run to kick off the new year. Christian also signed up so we hung out pre-race. I also ran into several speedy boot camp friends. As we took off any hopes of keeping up with them were quickly dashed. Pretty quickly ino the race Christian (who was getting sick) sent me off on my own. That meant both ear buds in & get into my groove. Running along the bay is just fine, done it too many times to count. What was ahead was the looming soul sucking black hole that is Fiesta Island. Last time my feet carried me around this beast was the end of the marathon (& that was the short loop). We had to go the long way around the most depressing route around the island. It was the bulk of this race mileage. I swear I went through so many spurts of energy & moments of break down on this one stupid island. I think it was the marathon flash backs that got to me. I kept plugging along & in the times I felt good pushed hard & then tried to get energy in me to keep going. I didn't wanna stop & walk to refuel cause I was trying to keep up with a few racers. One chick I tried to pace with got all competitive with me. I pulled ahead of her mile 6 & 7 only for her to blow by me mile 8-finish. I asked her after about her intervals & just like a few other people have told me it helped her finish.
I was happy with my sprint to the finish line, my race pace was the usual & my finish time not pathetic.
I do know had I ran on rested legs & hit up more fuel pre race (and had my lucky hat) I could of done even better!
One race done eleven to go!

Meet Newell

Today was my first "brick" training with TNT. Brick is when you practice sports back to back. Today we met up & during out meeting some security came & made us pack up everything & move out of the lot we were in! So we actually parked on the street & set up our transition station on the street! Mine ended up on a patch of grass next to the side walk. We took off all together (SO MANY PEOPLE NOW). First coach rode us on the 1 mile bike course so we would know where to go after we finished the bike ride. The bike ride went down through quite a few turns in a residential area, a lot of turns actually! I was afraid I would get LOST! Coach stopped after most turns on the first round I keep everyone together but once we got back we had to go out 3 more rounds on our own! The last part of the ride was UPHILL!
After the ride we switched gear for the run & took off. My first ride (except for the hill) & run felt GOOD! As well a 4 mile bike 1 mile run should!!! The second ride I was with a few people. I was able to follow the route. I really struggled with the uphill parts...BUT on the downhills...I started to go FASTER! I really feel so different on my bike the last few rides. It's feeling more comfortable, I'm more confident, it's almost exhilarating (seriously who am I?!?!). I honestly can say I enjoyed riding my workout today. It was SO HARD though. It was one of the hardest workouts I've ever done. The second round was tough & my calves had trouble transitioning from bike to run. I wasn't sure 4 rounds was going to happen! The 3rd ride I was so tired my legs were like lead. As I took off on the 3rd run my calves cramped I had to stop to stretch & a teammate stopped to check on me & offered me salt tablets. THANK GOD cause I needed them! Helped me so much :) I couldn't believe I still had one more round to go, especially that last hill! Somehow this round I ended up completely alone (this always seems to happen) I used the time to pray & think about my brother. I love that I get these moments all to myself & can mediate & reflect. I don't get much quiet time other then this is life. As I was fully enjoying my ride I decided as a friend advised to name my bike :) Jeani has told me all along that I will come to a point where I trust my bike as much as I trust my own body. I can see how that happens. Even though it's an inanimate object there is a bond forming (I sound crazy I know). I found myself looking forward to getting back on my bike this week. Everything on it is becoming second nature. I've grown so much in my ability on the bike. What everyone said is true it's time in the saddle! I never would of done this on my own so I'm glad I joined team in training :) I picked the name Newell after my favorite fishing reel ;p
Also today Noel's picture went up on the teams wall of honor. It's going to Lavaman with us so we can display all our honored teammates.

New Years Resolutions...

This is one of those times I envision me rambling on, with nothing really to say :)
I read in my fitness mag this girl say this & I decided with a minor tweak it summed up my resolve for 2012: I have focused on a vision of how I want to live. I will say “yes” to the things that align with that, and “no” to things that eat up time. I want to be in the best physical, mental, emotional, financial & spiritual shape of my life.
Wow that really says it all & says A LOT of areas to work on.
Now for manageable chunks & more specifics.
Spiritual: read bible more (goal 1 hour a day) Our church reads together ech year starting over. I'm an all or nothing girl & think I fizzle out cause I get flustered I can't read that hour. I am taking the pressure off & I'm just gonna read with out staring at the clock. Without forcing myself to read a certain plan or # of chapters. By doing that I will have way more success. I have an eye problem that causes strain on my eyes, that I'm actually going to vision therapy for. My goal is to read until my eyes can't take it & read more when they can :)
Financial: find & marry someone who can keep me on a budget HAHAHA kidding!!! I want to budget better, cut needless expenses, look for ways to bring in extra income & spend more wisely. NO IMPULSE BUYS!
Mental: What is mental? Not losing my mind :) running helps with that! Praying helps with that. Since I pray when I run that should keep me sane.
Emotional: I just went through a recovery group for divorce & feel I really worked on this area. I plan to continue with what I learned AND grow more! Goal: hug more (why not seems emotional)
Physical: tri-Kate has gone race crazy!!!! I think it's my way of forcing this area to blossom. I'm excited to take my fitness to the next level & achieve even more this year then last. Also going to work on my diet! First rule oatmeal every day for breakfast :) also no fast food PERIOD. I'm not sure where else I plan to adjust but this was a good start & easy to stick with (so far-4 days into the year)
I feel like last year is one of the only years that ended that I didn't feel discouraged or depressed. I was able to look back & reflect on so many good things. I have a feeling more of the same is ahead

Happy Holidays!

Last year I started pretty much every holiday out with my B Cubed Fitness people. I loved it and it was becoming an awesome tradition. Well all the holidays this year seemed to fall on Sat OR I picked up morning hours, making boot camp not an option. I was sad because I don't think I missed out on any before. I couldn't go on Christmas Eve because we had a TNT training.

We met at Fletcher Cove in Solana Beach. It was a coastal ride along the 101 PCH 20 miles with an optional 13 extra hilly miles. Riding on the Pacific Coast Highway is a lot of traffic lights and vehicle traffic. Not to mention surfers, pedestrians, other cyclists....pretty much everything I have been afraid of riding on the streets. The idea that you may have to stop quickly because the light changes, or a person walks in front of you or a car pulls out...EEK!! Not to mention we are riding in a group and have to watch out for each other. I was so surprised that I felt pretty at ease going along the highway. We had to stop at lights, stop signs, watch for hazards. It was a beautiful day and the ride was along the coast! The first turn around was at 10 miles. I really wanted to get home to see my kids before going to work later so I headed back. Some people kept going on up to 33 miles. Just like always I felt pretty accomplished just getting outside my comfort zone and getting the ride done.

Fast forward a week and things were a little different...I still missed another B Cubed event New Years Eve last chance workout. BUT we rode from fletcher cove again. This time I committed in my mind that I would go all the way out and back the 33 miles this time. I also had my friend Deana there volunteering to do the sag wagon. She was there rocking her alumni jacket. Everyone seemed to notice and ask what team she was on. She did Rock n Roll full marathon TWICE with TNT. It was so fun having her little kiddos there cheering me on and high fiving me! Once past the 10 mile turnout the route got very hilly, so far we don't do nice easy hills, they are tough! I was so tired, it was hot and a few time was ready to just turn around and say I had gone far enough. Good thing I can be prideful and willfull cause that overrides the complainer inside me. The last hill before the turn around just about took me down. In my head I was like where the bleep (yup I curse in my mind) is Poinsettia!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God it was right there when I was at that point. The ride back was almost fun...yes I almost had fun.

It helped that Coach Gurujan and Coach Tony caught up and were able to give me some tips along the ride. Knowledge helps me with my confident.I even stood up on my bike while I was coasting!!! I really had to push the last half of the ride as I was tired and I had to make it all those miles back. It helped having Tony lead the way because he was very good at communicating and looking out for everything.

The last two rides I have felt more and more confident and sure of myself. I feel like my bike & I are definitely getting to know each other and forming a bond that is going to get us through this race & now that I have gone further I am confident I can actually ride the 24 miles I have to for the race!!!

Scripps Poway Parkway

There were a lot of memerable things about this ride. I grew up in Scripps Ranch not anywhere near the area we rode because when I grew up there none of this area was developed! We met at a school in Scripps which again since I left the area more elementary and middle school popped up! The cool thing about this ride was my cousin volunteered to do sag wagon for the team! She didn't know what she was getting herself into which makes her a good sport and great supporter. First of all she has to sacrifice her Sat morning (which probably included an early Fri night). Come out in the cold morning to meet us and then drive around all morning following crazy TNT peeps! While coach was going over our ride he said something so interesting to me because it happened JUST like he said. He said as you are going along Scripps Poway Parkway there will be a moment when up ahead of you coming into view will be a long windy road going up the mountain, and you will think it is a fire road or private road. No people THAT is Scripps Poway Parkway and that is the road you will eventually make your way to the top of!! He said there will be a moment when you are climbing that hill, when you will want to give up, where it will be hard and in that moment you will think of our honored teammates the ones that can't do what we are doing, the ones who can't do it because they are no longer with us. You will gain strength from them. & remember people chemo sucks worse then this. (I am paraphrasing but this is the gist). Everything he said is exactly what happened!!!! It was a tough uphill over a MOUNTAIN! How lucky was I that I had my cousin, best friend & #1 supporter out there on the road! They cruised by screaming and honking for me! After the initial fright wore off I laughed and smiled! I can not describe to anyone how big this hill was or just how hard the ride was. The cool thing is she experienced it with me! She even said, I know you tell me about the stuff you are doing but to see it is totally different. She said she was so proud of me :D The uphill was tough but even worse was I had to go back down that giant hill!!! I was so scared (just like Torrey Pines) the week prior. I wanted to ask her to put my bike in her car and just drive me back. I mean wasn't it enough that I made it over the hill. One of the mentors offered to ride back with me slow, even though she normally bombs the hills fast. I was glad she helped but felt bad holding her back. Either way going it alone was not an option. I once again used the brakes on the upper part of my handle bar. For some reason it just makes it more controlled. This time I really didn't brake the whole time screeching down the hill. I feathered them just a bit and let myself go a little faster then I was comfortable with. I was so glad when we got down the giant mountain. I actually had a nice chat with the mentor and once again arrived safely back at my car. It's like a huge release every time I get back to home base!
Later that afternoon I had the blessing of volunteering at the LLS Children's Holiday Party. Santa comes to give gifts to the children patients and all the kids in their families. It was so touching and also heartbreaking to see these children some still fighting cancer. I can't even imagine how awesome it must be for one day to come and get love on and spoiled. There was a craft room set up and bear adoption. Family portraits were donated and pictures with Santa. I was honored to be a part of such a wonderful event. I definitely imagine I will be doing more of this in the future.

Hills, hilly, hills

I won't go into detail about how the training meetings go in the morning...it's the same each week. I will tell you about my rides.
The first few bike work outs really just eased us into riding in a group, communicating, learning our bikes, etc.
On recommitment day everything got serious! Recommitment is when a few weeks in we have to decide if we are IN or OUT. If we are IN we had to show up with a signed contract basically saying we are good for the money if we don't reach our fundraising minimum by the deadline. (I am not worried about this...I think). We also had to decide if we want our other half of our hotel room for a guest and if this guest wants to attend the celebratory meals included in my travel. I filled out all the paperwork and turned it in PRIOR to doing the workout. Smart move TNT cause I may have refused to sign it AFTER doing Torrey Pines hill repeats!
The work out consisted of us cycling over to the top of Torrey Pines hill. We had to ride down "the old road" a windy, curvy, steep hill, with lots of walkers and vehicles going up it. Sort of a nature trail that is paved and open to traffic. I was literally pertrified with fear, my heart was pounding and I couldn't even think straight! Going down hill is so scary for me. The sensation of not being able to stop and the fear of falling over or crashing has gripped me. I went down with my mentor by my side, literally squeezing both brakes front and rear to the point of severe pain in my hand. I just couldn't let any speed happen, I wanted to be in complete control of my bike! Once we got safely to the bottom I had to take a moment to compose myself and shake out the hand cramps! The we started UP the hill!!! It was NOT easy!!! It was a slow steady pedal. Thank God for my granny gear (third front gear) it allows for some ease getting up hill. BUT you still have to keep pedaling and pedaling and pushing yourself. You definitely can not take a break and rest going up hill on bike, getting started going up hill would be SO HARD!
Once I got to the top I felt so triumphant! I had done something that scared the poop outta me (gone down the hill) & accomplished a challenging ride to the top! I was done and ready to call it a day. As I approched the area when coach was and stopped, he yelled DON'T STOP THERE! AHHHHH down I went, I lost my balance and fell right in the driveway. He didn't want me stopping in the driveway for that reason....luckily no cuts or bruises on that one.
So as I was ready to pedal back to my car and call it a day, he sent everyone back down. My mentor said lets go, I said no way...I wasn't given a choice :( I headed back down the dreaded hill. This time I tried to manuvere my hand so the dead grip was not as painful to no avail. She said to me, I have literally never seen anyone go down hill so slow before. YUP that is me the frightened triathlete. The uphill didn't worry me, I am never afraid of hard work. Once at the bottom it took me less time to compose myself (that is an improvment right). Back up we went. This time it was getting hotter and harder cause I was getting tired! Again finally reaching the top of the hill I was sure that I could bow out and head home because going down a third time made me wanna cry! BUT again NO CHOICE. This time Coach Sam (who is a former or coach of some other TNT group) decided he was going to help me get down the hill. OK Buddy good luck with that!!!! This time I actually used the second set of brakes on my bike that are on the upper handle bars. Most bikes don't have these and I have been told to remove them and get aero bars at some point. Using these made me feel so much more in control. I used a little less of my brakes and allowed the bike to get speed, I felt more in control of the bike so I felt better letting go a little. Sam talked me through the whole time and was very encouraging.
Then he rode with me to the top until almost all the way, then my chain seemed clackity clacking so I stopped. One of the mentors stopped and helped me realize I just haven't switched the gear all the way. I needed a little push to get going and then I finished my third trip up the hill! A few people went for a 4th run but I was more then happy to call it a successful day and head back to my car!!