I'm not sure if I finished my point in the last blog. I dozed off while typing it and sorta closed it off real fast. Anyway I was trying to say that I think I'm going to be writing a lot about losing my brother, the incredible loss & pain I am feeling and how God is going to carry me through this trial as He has many times before.
Today is one week since my brother died. I can not believe it has been a week. It flew by because we were so busy planning the memorial. I took the week off work & it was crazy how busy each day was.
I went back to worl last night. I did not feel like I was ready to go back. I wanted more time BUT the other side of that coin is it is not gonna get any easier to go back. I went through the motions & did my shifts. Thank God I have a mindless, easy job that requires little effort to do.
Today was my return to boot camp. This was almost harder. First of all bootcamp is 530a-640a...so I kept thinking the moment it is over is exactly the time my brother passed 6:43am.a few of my BC buddies are friends on Facebook or they heard from Krystle about my brother. I got a hug & another said how sorry they were. I got teared up and said thank you but I don't wanna talk about it I just wanna sweat!
I think today I was sweating tears cause I was sweater than normal. It was a brutal workout & Jason (who also knew what happened) showed me NO mercy. Which is GOOD! My mind & heart were distracted most the workout. I imagine I will be sore tomorrow.
I'm glad I went back...its the same as working its not gonna get easier the longer I stay away. So the bandaids are ripped off I'm getting back to normal (well the NEW normal).
I also signed up for the San Diego Striders running club. They train you to do the marathon.
The challenge with this is gonna be getting someone to watch my kids every Sat morning for the 7am runs.
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