Spirit week comes to an end...

I was working out this week with my friends & one of them mentioned her daughters team has a mascot that team members take around & get pics with. I HAD to borrow this idea. I took the spirit award whale watching, to my pasta fundraiser, my 5am run, out to enjoy some 4th event (I have to admit the pics look like we had a wild night but it was all for show haha). The kids had fun with it. They also helped me add my decoration to it! I had a rough week with my stomach & Friday night spirit fun added to the pain...another reminder bed early every night & eat good all the time!
Today we had a brick workout at Tamarack beach. There was what seemed to be good news the weather was GORGEOUS! I can't even begin to describe it other then perfect day in San Diego. Every Saturday morning has been cold (heck last week it was RAINING). Here we were on the beach in So Cal with beautiful perfect weather (& I definitely wished I was fishing!).
We set up our transition areas and then coach went over transition area set up. Besides being so knowledgable he is pretty funny dude. I'm learning so many intricate details that I imagine on my own would have taken me years to figure out on my own. Today's ride was 5.8 miles an out & back on PCH then our run was .6 mile out on the boardwalk on beach then back on the sand. I hadn't rides my bike for two weeks & was a little nervous. We ran our bikes out to a mount line & started straight up a hill to get on PCH. I had to ask how to get to easiest gear so I would be ready to start out up hill. Good thing to learn (& teach my friends). Once I got going the nerves left & I was doing fine. The turn around seemed close. The run was alright I was definitely dragging from staying up late & poor eating all week. It was the sand that did me in! Since I have gone out & practiced twice now I definitely did better in the sand then I would have If I hadn't but sand just is tough. I actually wanna keep at it until I figure out how to sprint in the sand so I can finish strong at my race. I doubt I will have sprint left in me after swim & bike but I can dream haha!
That was just round one! We were to do it 4-6 times. I'm never going to keep up with the advanced triathletes. They lap me every time. I just do what I can do which is my best. Round to was tough! The sun was blazing! The translations back & forth from bike to run are kinda cool cause you use different muscles so you get a break but then comes a point where it is just tough! The 2nd time I was getting so thirsty! I was getting cramps! I did something that only the most desperate desire for fluid could make me do...I took my hand off my handle bar reached down grabbed my bottle and drank while I was riding!!! I can't believe I did that! Months ago I couldn't take my hand off the handle bar to do anything! I was too scared & wobbled so bad if I did I would not try! Well there you go I can check another thing off my list & now I can practice this so I can hydrate on my bike during the race. :)
I got back to go on run 2 & I had I hunt down some salt! & I ate a granola bar. I realized today doing all this before my body starts to tell me it NEEDS is a better plan. The second run Coach Brian came along (probably cause he could tell I was a mess). As I whined & complained he told me about his experiences with the races I'm going into. Of all the peeps I have met he is up there with the cool ones. He is real chill & doesn't go over board with the super happy cheerfulness stuff. He knows his stuff & has yet to get frustrated with how awful I am t everything!
Round 3 I got back on my bike & wow something just clicked! I was a machine flying down the road. My pedal were moving so fluidly & I felt great & FAST! I was definitely feeling my awesomeness. I got to the turn around in record time & BAM it hit me!!! THE WIND!!!!!!! No wonder I was flying! The wind had kicked up & propelled me! Now that same wind was going against me. This was SO hard! I had to push so hard against it. Knowing I had a race the next day I resolved this would be my last round. Round 3 of the run I ran & chatted with this really nice team mate who was at my open was fiasco. She was very nice & while fairly new to triathlon is a much better athlete then me.
I got back to the start & tapped out after 3 rounds some people did up to 6! I was more then done & there was no more water :( I actually dipped my legs in the ocean to hopefully help with recovery.
This was as I've said eat time the hardest work out to date! A part of m loves this & is made so happy by doing things that seem impossible yet with Him I always seem to!

Tire change clinic

This Saturday was supposed to be a big brick training at Lake Hodges. Unfortunately the rain had a different plan for us. It was due to rain right when we were to start. Coach had us meet at mission bay under one of the gazebos to do a tire changing clinic. Yet another thing I have been nervous about. It seems so technical and difficult BUT SO IMPORTANT. If you can't change a flat tire your race could end. The tire change kit was a stress for me as well, cause it costs $. I went at the begining of training to a bike shop and it was about $35 for a seat bag and all the tools needed. WHAT?! I also asked about bike short & oh those were $50! I may have talked about this before but I totally wanted to vomit. Why do I pick the most expensive hobbies?! Anyway me being me I knew I could do better. I purchased a discount coupon online deal for the tire change kit. Then I went and got one tube (still need another few). I hit up a warehouse sale got shorts for like $10. I spent the whole season driving around with the tire change kit in my car! I never actually got the seat bag to carry my stuff with! I knew it was a matter of time until I got a flat tire on a ride & I was going to be the idiot who didnt have her stuff with her! BUT my logic was also I didnt know how to change my tire anyway soooooo I will get to it. Luckily I got to it this week and picked up a perfect size, perfect price seat bag.
So this Saturday session began like all the rest and we had out little team meeting. At the part where the spirit award was given (have I ever even mentioned the spirit award???? It is not something I was all that into (sad to admit) It is an award given each week to someone who is selected by the mentors for showing the most spirit (duh). That person then takes the award home for the week and adds something to it and returns the next week to pass it on. Well this week as I was not even really paying attention cause my OLD running club was going by and I was hoping to see some friends Coach Brian got up. As he was talking I got this feeling of dread come over me....he was talking about me!!!!!! He mentioned he was glad to give the award this week because this person while have a very difficult swim Friday showed true determination (or something like that). I was honestly completely shocked. Let's face it I have a hard time conforming to the happy go lucky TEAM spirit here. Partly cause its just not my personality and partly cause I am still hurting and not willing to open up to a bunch of happy shiny people/stangers. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful group of friends and family who I feel so close and bonded with. They give me all the love and support I need, & because I am a busy person the idea of a whole new set of people to have in my life is just too much. (Go ahead and think it-WEIRDO). Anyway as I get up to recieve my award, another mentor Jean starts to share about my Scripps Poway ride where I was so scared I wanted to get a ride back but I just went for it, & then as she rode with me I shared about Noel and why I was doing all this stuff outside my comfort zone for him. THEN Coach added that I was making comments Sunday about how much I did NOT want to do the swim and then to go right back out Friday morning at 6am was real perserverence. Julie the manager added how triathlons are NOT easy and only like 4% of people do them. At this point I hit my emotional breakdown point. All this going on about me and all I heard is look at what she is doing for her brother. I really don't think anyone gets it or me. I go to this and feel like I don't really fit in but I do it cause I know I am supposed to for Noel. For my Mom & Dad and the hurt I see in their eyes everytime I am with them. For me and my sister who will never have our big brother's dispproving lectures again. For my kids who always say "I miss Uncle Noel". This is where I meet God and give all this to Him. This is where I am completely vulnerable and at my weakest...and becoming stronger physically and spiritually. BUT this moment broke me to my limit. I had to set the award down and go to my car and cry. Not a little sniffle I broke down sobbing. I was completely honored they chose to recognize me that is an awesome memory I will have at the same time I hurt for my brother. None of this means anything with him gone. With him having to suffer. I just cried out to God and shared my sadness with Him. I tried to call a friend to no avail (which is what He wants). I had such a hard time pulling myself together. Sometimes you dont realize the true heartache you are suffering because you can supress it with being a mom, working out, keeping busy. That moment was freeing it brought me back to reality, reminded me what this is about. After I stopped sobbing I went back to the tire change clinic with my ugly cry face (I hate that) I felt like everyone was starring at me. Duh people sometimes triathletes are weak :p
The tire change clinic was great in the sense that I did it, but only with complete suppervision from a mentor. I know that I am going to need to PRACTICE and I WILL! I am gonna bring my bike up in the apartment and just keep doing it over and over until I am the best tire changing momma anyone ever has seen. I have really FAT tires so it is very hard to get them on and off. Coach says I need to buy new tires (add that to the list). He said in the meantime I will need to leave my tires deflated until I have them back on the bike and then inflate them (this is opposite of what he has everyone else do). I had a rough rough rough morning after "the award" I was weepy and solemn. It was not a bad thing I just felt kinda stupid, good thing I dont care what peeps think haha. This training and instruction I am getting is really top notch and I am constantly blown away. I also feel blessed that I am going to be able to share everything I learned with my friends who want to join me in the sport.

Here is my family...just cause I miss him

and here I am totally thrilled with my spirit award. I am going to honor my brother and write "may the force be with you" on the backside of the award, as he was a huge star wars guy

Friday morning at The Cove

So is there anyone besides me that appreciates I am totally transparent and honest here? I share my failures as well as my successes. Let's face it I would be a liar if I said I succeed at everything I do. Remember trying on my first wetsuit??? THAT was the ultimate failure haha!
Anyway after Sunday's team swim an email went out that a group meets at La Jolla Cove on Friday mornings to swim. I had just said I was commited to improving my open water swim and that I wanted to join the tri club or find a group to swim with. This seems my answer...
I replied to the email that I was interested BUT not a strong or confident swimmer. I was assured that others had joined them in the past who were also and now good swimmers and that someone would stick with me.
I.wasn't.lying....
I was so stressed about the cold again. I just dreaded getting in the freezing water...until I got there and I saw the actual water we were swimming in :( It was so rough (I've been told it wasn't THAT rough-by people that are great swimmers!). Anyway it might as well have been the perfect storm to me. The plan was to swim to the 1/4 mile buoy and back. No one seemed the least bit apprehensive but me. I got in the water and honestly it wasnt cold. Wetsuit was doing its job. The problem I faced is I SUCK!!! I suck at swimming, I suck sea water when I try to swim, I have no stamina cause I hyperventilate, I suck at relaxing and doing what I am supposed to. I struggled to dog paddle my way through the water. I did terrible I couldnt get two feet with out stopping and choking on water, my goggles fogged up, I was burping and puking and snot coming out....ugh it was terrible!!!
I felt so stupid. Coach was swimming with me, I could tell he was getting frustrated. He kept telling me what I was doing wrong and what to do right but I just SUCKED!!!! I was cussin a lot too, like I had tourettes & I never cuss...it really brought the worst out in me. I was whining and crying. Everyone else made it to the buoy and headed back. I turned around with them and was even worse! I hate that feeling when you are going against the current and you feel like you are not moving. I seriously almost started to panic! I am so prideful though I just whined instead of saying what I was thinking. Coach says "why dont you focus on what you can control instead of what you cant). I can control being pissed at you right now sucka for saying that!! I'm actually so thankful he was there with me. As frustrating as I am sure it was he stuck it out & didnt leave me to die! He is very patient and obviously experieced.
I finally dog paddled my way back and made the most ungraceful plop onto the sand on the short. About 3 people stuck it out to wait for me. I must say I felt like the lamest triathlete on the planet (not that I held my skills in high regard). I spent the whole day replaying everything in my head. Kicking myself for being so bad. Trying to figure out why I couldn't get it together. It frustrates me that something like fishing comes second nature to me and it is virtually effortless for me to be the best...but this is constantly a challenge (obviously why I like it-but still frustrating). Even when I learn something new in fishing a knot or new style of casting or when I went fresh water, it just came to me. This stuff none of it does!
The coach I had emailed about coming said after "the question now is, are you coming back?" I said "yes I will be here every Friday". One thing that can be said about me is that I will keep at this until I can do it. Giving up is not on option for me.

Karaoke

My next fundraiser event was seemingly a great idea. I was hoping for an incredible success...but you never really know until its over. I did my best to promote and invite people. Some of the challenges I faced was it was a Monday night and didnt start until 9pm. I wasn't sure people would come out.

I got all set up on my end with a few raffles prizes I bought raffle tickets and donation stations (plastic containers with labeled with the TNT LLS logos).

I got down to the Harp early talked with the bartender and got him to make a signature drink for the evening "the Lavagirl" I loved that idea (although I didnt actually have one myself, I tasted it and it was delicious).

The bar was empty until the first few people arrived right at 9pm.

Just as it was time to start pretty much the worst thing ever happened...the amplifier for karaoke blew up! Smoke & all!!! So the Karaoke host Laura Jean came out and gave me the bad news.

There was not going to be any karaoke at my karaoke fundraiser...
I was so upset! She said the only hope would be if her boyfriend could get another amp and get it out there...luckily that happened!! BUT after an hour and half. It was so hard to watch as people arrived with this puzzled look on their face saying "where is the karaoke". I was lucky everyone was understanding, still bought raffle tickets and we did some giveaways while we waited.
When karaoke finally started it was A BLAST! Everyone got really into it and I did it I finally got up and sang my first karaoke song!
I am telling you it was just as hard as most the training I have been doing!
I had fun with it and just went for it.
The highlight of the night for me was the very end of the night when they had everyone get up and sing the last song together. Everyone had a really good time with it and got into the spirit.
The fundraising was very successful despite the mishap and I made $175 cancer fighting bucks!

Open water swim

I wish that I could add soundtrack to this blog...something doom and dread...I don't know maybe even that Jaws theme...
If you were to go back in time you would read about my actual first ocean swim. It was with Jeani my original mentor :) and you would read about my second ocean swim. The one where I chickened out at Moonlight beach and swore to return to conquer that beach someday (and guess what that one is coming).
This was my first open water swim with the Team. It was also my first swim in COLD water. When I swam with Jeani it was summer, still cold but I was with out a wetsuit back then. So we met at La Jolla shores. There was a lot of talk pre swim this time. Coach went over a lot of stuff. Then we all got in our wetsuits...can I just mention how happy I am that mine still fits after the holidays! AND that we are not revisiting our old favorite blog post fat girl little wetsuit!
So first thing we did and the part that had me nearly in tears I was so scared to do, was get in the water and dunk our suits and get WET. Lots of people are afraid of sharks or what is in the ocean. That is not me! I have spent most of my life on the ocean and I love the ocean and all its lovely creatures. Yes I love to kill and eat a lot of them BUT I still love them! I know there are sharks but I also know the risk of shark attack is so slim. I swam at the actual beach in Kauai where famous surfer Bethany Hamilton was attacked by a tiger shark. Not afraid of whats in the ocean. I am not afraid of drowning, even though I am not a strong swimmer. I have frolicked and snorkeled everywhere I have ever been that had salt water. I realize that even if I was out far and exhausted I could stop and float or tread water until a skilled and life saving trained (gorgeous single male) lifeguard saved me. I know how to swim out of a rip current. I really am not fearful of an accident. I also would NEVER swim alone. What had me gripped with anxiety was the COLD water. There is something about being in that stinging cold water I hate. My first tri when I went in the bay with out a wetsuit and was hyperventilating and in pain from the cold water. Every time I put my face in the water it felt like needles. I dread that!!!
So I was obviously apprehensive about it as Coach asked me how I was feeling I told him I was so not into this.
SO we headed out to the water and yes the water was cold! I wanted to quit, get out say nope too cold, not fun, I hate this GOOD BYE (but of course I never would). Coach counted down and everyone wetted the inside of the suit. Some people with sea water others with their pee. I have yet to pee in my wetsuit. I have never been able to pee in water. Which apparently is now a curse I live with. After the dunk there was shrieks and laughs it was definitely a "team bonding moment". We got out (in the back of my head I am hoping that's all folks). Then coach had the mentors demonstrate a surf entrance they swam out to the kayaker sag guy & demonstrate a surf exit. I thought awesome good job peeps...now are we done. NOPE coach said ok GO! We had all formed or been assigned buddies (in my case-since I'm still avoiding bonding with my teamies). My swim was awful. I had such a hard time finding a rhythm , breathing properly, keeping my face in the water. Form was out the window I was in survival mode (also called dog paddle). I made it out to the kayak and back. As I can back to dry land coach said how was it? I said I am so happy to be on dry land. In my head I was thinking YES, I did it, took the plunge whew that is ov.....alright team head back out...er????what wait did he just say...& off we went again! The second time was a lot different. I was able to do way more right. I breathed way more relaxed and spent more time actually swimming the dog paddling.
So there I was round two done and I was feeling pretty good! Coach did a little body surf lesson that didnt go over well because there was NO WAVES. Then he says ok team back out again. WHAT!!?!?!? Has this man not heard of baby steps! I barely get out of my car to do this stuff each week and now he want me to swim farther!!
Well maybe 3rd time is a charm cause that last swim felt really good! I did even more right and even though it was slow I finished that swim.
These two days of workouts left me soaring! I really felt like I could do anything! I have gone out and done things I really didn't believe I would be able to. That is what faith can do....

Lots to write about!!!!!

I haven't even really been slacking like I usually do on my blog (don't look at my other all but abandoned fish blog)...& here I am with so much to catch up on!
Not sure if this will be one looooong post or if I will break it up.
Saturday's training in my opinion was going to be the toughest one yet (pretty sure I said that about the first brick we did the week before).
This week we met at the familiar fletcher cove in solana beach, we were to ride up (yes UP) to lake hodges (about 12 miles) then run 2-4 miles & ride back.
The ride was on a narrow windy road with NO BIKE LANE. It the went up a HUGE hill (mountain really) to the lake. Coach says before we ride this will actually be harder then our ride during the race.
I am SO glad the training has gently introduced more & more challenges. Had we done this ride any sooner I do not think I could of made it. Instead I felt confident about starting & stopping as we rode through stop light after stop light that turned red. I was not applying the death grip to my brakes on the downhills. The road was really sketchy & I didn't feel fearful at all (cautious yes of course). The last part up to the dam was SO HUGE! That part was seriously insane! I really wasn't sure I was going to make it to the top...it seemed impossible!!! The wind was CRAZY! It was cold too! The weirdest thing was the wind was pushing so hard I was having to pedal on the downhill parts!!!!
It was so tough getting to the lake I wasn't sure how I was going to run! My legs felt dead! I changed shoes & took off. I must say I was pleasantly surprised at how I did! It's confirmed I love running...it just feels so good! We ran along a trail and I went out just over 1.5 miles & back. I don't wanna brag or get cocky but I think Im a little better in that sport then a few people on the team (their cycling kicks my but though). It does feel good to be at least good at something!
I started to wonder if some people maybe didn't go all out on the run knowing we still had a ride ahead of us. I'm telling you when I got back to my bike my legs were DONE! I stalled a bit to catch my breath before taking off. I had no idea how I was going to make it back to my car! Surprisingly as I headed back it seemed so much faster! Probably helped I had to go DOWN the mountain. I am handling the down hills so much better. I had my little alone time on my way back as usual. It seriously seemed like no time at all I was back at the car & SO HAPPY I made it!!!!! Such a good feeling when I face a challenge I have no clue that I can do & then find myself finishing it better then I imagined

The winning side of losing

I usually leave the weigh loss chronicles to my friend over at Chubby Diaries (awesome blog btw) but weight loss is also part of my journey & I want to share that as well.
I did so well last year when I did back to back challenges at the Y. (competitive much?!) I literally smashed the competition! This fall/winter I did terrible during the weight loss challenge I did online. Just for reference & cause I am not going to let the #s shame me (& I may be off doing this from memory)
First challenge Jan 2011 start weight 188 6 week final weigh in 166
Second challenge start was 167 final weigh in 154. After that I did get down to 150!!!! I wanted to see 140s so bad & something happened between champagne brunch, weddings, birthdays & the holidays...I slowly fell right back into old habits. It's a cycle that starts with one over indulgence, that leads to disappointment, to loss of self confidence, to depression, to not caring & giving up. Then the cliches come out: I will start over tomorrow, start Monday, after this event I will get back on it...yet the numbers go in wrong direction. During the past few months I let the scale get up to 167. That means all the weight I lost second challenge was back. I haven't forgotten how hard I worked or the dedication I put it. Makes it hard not to hate myself & be mad or disappointed.
I guess I can say thank God for new years & the ability that I found to get back "in the zone". The #s are headed in the right direction now! Weighed in today at 162...I can not wait to see the 150s again & be back in my size 8s!
As I struggled with back sliding I talked with a friend who also had great success in 2011 only to put the weight back on & now losing again. He had all the same emotions I did & was able to encourage me. He said concurring it the second time means even more then the first. It proves something to yourself & everyone what you are capable of AND you realize how easily it can all slip away.
I hope I've learned this lesson once & for all. I want to get the final push to goal weight & then learn to maintain it for life.
Looking back though I can't help but be so proud even where I am today

Race #1 of 2012

I can't recall the exact # now BUT I am pretty confident it is 12 races in 2012. & I honestly hope that is all I do! First race of the year was the Resolution Run 15k on Mission Bay. I do love my long runs & 9.3 miles is a great distance for me...except...that I had my first TNT brick workout the day before! I was very concerned what if any energy I would have left for the run! I didn't have a pace plan or finish time goal, just wanted to have a nice fun run to kick off the new year. Christian also signed up so we hung out pre-race. I also ran into several speedy boot camp friends. As we took off any hopes of keeping up with them were quickly dashed. Pretty quickly ino the race Christian (who was getting sick) sent me off on my own. That meant both ear buds in & get into my groove. Running along the bay is just fine, done it too many times to count. What was ahead was the looming soul sucking black hole that is Fiesta Island. Last time my feet carried me around this beast was the end of the marathon (& that was the short loop). We had to go the long way around the most depressing route around the island. It was the bulk of this race mileage. I swear I went through so many spurts of energy & moments of break down on this one stupid island. I think it was the marathon flash backs that got to me. I kept plugging along & in the times I felt good pushed hard & then tried to get energy in me to keep going. I didn't wanna stop & walk to refuel cause I was trying to keep up with a few racers. One chick I tried to pace with got all competitive with me. I pulled ahead of her mile 6 & 7 only for her to blow by me mile 8-finish. I asked her after about her intervals & just like a few other people have told me it helped her finish.
I was happy with my sprint to the finish line, my race pace was the usual & my finish time not pathetic.
I do know had I ran on rested legs & hit up more fuel pre race (and had my lucky hat) I could of done even better!
One race done eleven to go!

Meet Newell

Today was my first "brick" training with TNT. Brick is when you practice sports back to back. Today we met up & during out meeting some security came & made us pack up everything & move out of the lot we were in! So we actually parked on the street & set up our transition station on the street! Mine ended up on a patch of grass next to the side walk. We took off all together (SO MANY PEOPLE NOW). First coach rode us on the 1 mile bike course so we would know where to go after we finished the bike ride. The bike ride went down through quite a few turns in a residential area, a lot of turns actually! I was afraid I would get LOST! Coach stopped after most turns on the first round I keep everyone together but once we got back we had to go out 3 more rounds on our own! The last part of the ride was UPHILL!
After the ride we switched gear for the run & took off. My first ride (except for the hill) & run felt GOOD! As well a 4 mile bike 1 mile run should!!! The second ride I was with a few people. I was able to follow the route. I really struggled with the uphill parts...BUT on the downhills...I started to go FASTER! I really feel so different on my bike the last few rides. It's feeling more comfortable, I'm more confident, it's almost exhilarating (seriously who am I?!?!). I honestly can say I enjoyed riding my workout today. It was SO HARD though. It was one of the hardest workouts I've ever done. The second round was tough & my calves had trouble transitioning from bike to run. I wasn't sure 4 rounds was going to happen! The 3rd ride I was so tired my legs were like lead. As I took off on the 3rd run my calves cramped I had to stop to stretch & a teammate stopped to check on me & offered me salt tablets. THANK GOD cause I needed them! Helped me so much :) I couldn't believe I still had one more round to go, especially that last hill! Somehow this round I ended up completely alone (this always seems to happen) I used the time to pray & think about my brother. I love that I get these moments all to myself & can mediate & reflect. I don't get much quiet time other then this is life. As I was fully enjoying my ride I decided as a friend advised to name my bike :) Jeani has told me all along that I will come to a point where I trust my bike as much as I trust my own body. I can see how that happens. Even though it's an inanimate object there is a bond forming (I sound crazy I know). I found myself looking forward to getting back on my bike this week. Everything on it is becoming second nature. I've grown so much in my ability on the bike. What everyone said is true it's time in the saddle! I never would of done this on my own so I'm glad I joined team in training :) I picked the name Newell after my favorite fishing reel ;p
Also today Noel's picture went up on the teams wall of honor. It's going to Lavaman with us so we can display all our honored teammates.

New Years Resolutions...

This is one of those times I envision me rambling on, with nothing really to say :)
I read in my fitness mag this girl say this & I decided with a minor tweak it summed up my resolve for 2012: I have focused on a vision of how I want to live. I will say “yes” to the things that align with that, and “no” to things that eat up time. I want to be in the best physical, mental, emotional, financial & spiritual shape of my life.
Wow that really says it all & says A LOT of areas to work on.
Now for manageable chunks & more specifics.
Spiritual: read bible more (goal 1 hour a day) Our church reads together ech year starting over. I'm an all or nothing girl & think I fizzle out cause I get flustered I can't read that hour. I am taking the pressure off & I'm just gonna read with out staring at the clock. Without forcing myself to read a certain plan or # of chapters. By doing that I will have way more success. I have an eye problem that causes strain on my eyes, that I'm actually going to vision therapy for. My goal is to read until my eyes can't take it & read more when they can :)
Financial: find & marry someone who can keep me on a budget HAHAHA kidding!!! I want to budget better, cut needless expenses, look for ways to bring in extra income & spend more wisely. NO IMPULSE BUYS!
Mental: What is mental? Not losing my mind :) running helps with that! Praying helps with that. Since I pray when I run that should keep me sane.
Emotional: I just went through a recovery group for divorce & feel I really worked on this area. I plan to continue with what I learned AND grow more! Goal: hug more (why not seems emotional)
Physical: tri-Kate has gone race crazy!!!! I think it's my way of forcing this area to blossom. I'm excited to take my fitness to the next level & achieve even more this year then last. Also going to work on my diet! First rule oatmeal every day for breakfast :) also no fast food PERIOD. I'm not sure where else I plan to adjust but this was a good start & easy to stick with (so far-4 days into the year)
I feel like last year is one of the only years that ended that I didn't feel discouraged or depressed. I was able to look back & reflect on so many good things. I have a feeling more of the same is ahead

Happy Holidays!

Last year I started pretty much every holiday out with my B Cubed Fitness people. I loved it and it was becoming an awesome tradition. Well all the holidays this year seemed to fall on Sat OR I picked up morning hours, making boot camp not an option. I was sad because I don't think I missed out on any before. I couldn't go on Christmas Eve because we had a TNT training.

We met at Fletcher Cove in Solana Beach. It was a coastal ride along the 101 PCH 20 miles with an optional 13 extra hilly miles. Riding on the Pacific Coast Highway is a lot of traffic lights and vehicle traffic. Not to mention surfers, pedestrians, other cyclists....pretty much everything I have been afraid of riding on the streets. The idea that you may have to stop quickly because the light changes, or a person walks in front of you or a car pulls out...EEK!! Not to mention we are riding in a group and have to watch out for each other. I was so surprised that I felt pretty at ease going along the highway. We had to stop at lights, stop signs, watch for hazards. It was a beautiful day and the ride was along the coast! The first turn around was at 10 miles. I really wanted to get home to see my kids before going to work later so I headed back. Some people kept going on up to 33 miles. Just like always I felt pretty accomplished just getting outside my comfort zone and getting the ride done.

Fast forward a week and things were a little different...I still missed another B Cubed event New Years Eve last chance workout. BUT we rode from fletcher cove again. This time I committed in my mind that I would go all the way out and back the 33 miles this time. I also had my friend Deana there volunteering to do the sag wagon. She was there rocking her alumni jacket. Everyone seemed to notice and ask what team she was on. She did Rock n Roll full marathon TWICE with TNT. It was so fun having her little kiddos there cheering me on and high fiving me! Once past the 10 mile turnout the route got very hilly, so far we don't do nice easy hills, they are tough! I was so tired, it was hot and a few time was ready to just turn around and say I had gone far enough. Good thing I can be prideful and willfull cause that overrides the complainer inside me. The last hill before the turn around just about took me down. In my head I was like where the bleep (yup I curse in my mind) is Poinsettia!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God it was right there when I was at that point. The ride back was almost fun...yes I almost had fun.

It helped that Coach Gurujan and Coach Tony caught up and were able to give me some tips along the ride. Knowledge helps me with my confident.I even stood up on my bike while I was coasting!!! I really had to push the last half of the ride as I was tired and I had to make it all those miles back. It helped having Tony lead the way because he was very good at communicating and looking out for everything.

The last two rides I have felt more and more confident and sure of myself. I feel like my bike & I are definitely getting to know each other and forming a bond that is going to get us through this race & now that I have gone further I am confident I can actually ride the 24 miles I have to for the race!!!

Scripps Poway Parkway

There were a lot of memerable things about this ride. I grew up in Scripps Ranch not anywhere near the area we rode because when I grew up there none of this area was developed! We met at a school in Scripps which again since I left the area more elementary and middle school popped up! The cool thing about this ride was my cousin volunteered to do sag wagon for the team! She didn't know what she was getting herself into which makes her a good sport and great supporter. First of all she has to sacrifice her Sat morning (which probably included an early Fri night). Come out in the cold morning to meet us and then drive around all morning following crazy TNT peeps! While coach was going over our ride he said something so interesting to me because it happened JUST like he said. He said as you are going along Scripps Poway Parkway there will be a moment when up ahead of you coming into view will be a long windy road going up the mountain, and you will think it is a fire road or private road. No people THAT is Scripps Poway Parkway and that is the road you will eventually make your way to the top of!! He said there will be a moment when you are climbing that hill, when you will want to give up, where it will be hard and in that moment you will think of our honored teammates the ones that can't do what we are doing, the ones who can't do it because they are no longer with us. You will gain strength from them. & remember people chemo sucks worse then this. (I am paraphrasing but this is the gist). Everything he said is exactly what happened!!!! It was a tough uphill over a MOUNTAIN! How lucky was I that I had my cousin, best friend & #1 supporter out there on the road! They cruised by screaming and honking for me! After the initial fright wore off I laughed and smiled! I can not describe to anyone how big this hill was or just how hard the ride was. The cool thing is she experienced it with me! She even said, I know you tell me about the stuff you are doing but to see it is totally different. She said she was so proud of me :D The uphill was tough but even worse was I had to go back down that giant hill!!! I was so scared (just like Torrey Pines) the week prior. I wanted to ask her to put my bike in her car and just drive me back. I mean wasn't it enough that I made it over the hill. One of the mentors offered to ride back with me slow, even though she normally bombs the hills fast. I was glad she helped but felt bad holding her back. Either way going it alone was not an option. I once again used the brakes on the upper part of my handle bar. For some reason it just makes it more controlled. This time I really didn't brake the whole time screeching down the hill. I feathered them just a bit and let myself go a little faster then I was comfortable with. I was so glad when we got down the giant mountain. I actually had a nice chat with the mentor and once again arrived safely back at my car. It's like a huge release every time I get back to home base!
Later that afternoon I had the blessing of volunteering at the LLS Children's Holiday Party. Santa comes to give gifts to the children patients and all the kids in their families. It was so touching and also heartbreaking to see these children some still fighting cancer. I can't even imagine how awesome it must be for one day to come and get love on and spoiled. There was a craft room set up and bear adoption. Family portraits were donated and pictures with Santa. I was honored to be a part of such a wonderful event. I definitely imagine I will be doing more of this in the future.

Hills, hilly, hills

I won't go into detail about how the training meetings go in the morning...it's the same each week. I will tell you about my rides.
The first few bike work outs really just eased us into riding in a group, communicating, learning our bikes, etc.
On recommitment day everything got serious! Recommitment is when a few weeks in we have to decide if we are IN or OUT. If we are IN we had to show up with a signed contract basically saying we are good for the money if we don't reach our fundraising minimum by the deadline. (I am not worried about this...I think). We also had to decide if we want our other half of our hotel room for a guest and if this guest wants to attend the celebratory meals included in my travel. I filled out all the paperwork and turned it in PRIOR to doing the workout. Smart move TNT cause I may have refused to sign it AFTER doing Torrey Pines hill repeats!
The work out consisted of us cycling over to the top of Torrey Pines hill. We had to ride down "the old road" a windy, curvy, steep hill, with lots of walkers and vehicles going up it. Sort of a nature trail that is paved and open to traffic. I was literally pertrified with fear, my heart was pounding and I couldn't even think straight! Going down hill is so scary for me. The sensation of not being able to stop and the fear of falling over or crashing has gripped me. I went down with my mentor by my side, literally squeezing both brakes front and rear to the point of severe pain in my hand. I just couldn't let any speed happen, I wanted to be in complete control of my bike! Once we got safely to the bottom I had to take a moment to compose myself and shake out the hand cramps! The we started UP the hill!!! It was NOT easy!!! It was a slow steady pedal. Thank God for my granny gear (third front gear) it allows for some ease getting up hill. BUT you still have to keep pedaling and pedaling and pushing yourself. You definitely can not take a break and rest going up hill on bike, getting started going up hill would be SO HARD!
Once I got to the top I felt so triumphant! I had done something that scared the poop outta me (gone down the hill) & accomplished a challenging ride to the top! I was done and ready to call it a day. As I approched the area when coach was and stopped, he yelled DON'T STOP THERE! AHHHHH down I went, I lost my balance and fell right in the driveway. He didn't want me stopping in the driveway for that reason....luckily no cuts or bruises on that one.
So as I was ready to pedal back to my car and call it a day, he sent everyone back down. My mentor said lets go, I said no way...I wasn't given a choice :( I headed back down the dreaded hill. This time I tried to manuvere my hand so the dead grip was not as painful to no avail. She said to me, I have literally never seen anyone go down hill so slow before. YUP that is me the frightened triathlete. The uphill didn't worry me, I am never afraid of hard work. Once at the bottom it took me less time to compose myself (that is an improvment right). Back up we went. This time it was getting hotter and harder cause I was getting tired! Again finally reaching the top of the hill I was sure that I could bow out and head home because going down a third time made me wanna cry! BUT again NO CHOICE. This time Coach Sam (who is a former or coach of some other TNT group) decided he was going to help me get down the hill. OK Buddy good luck with that!!!! This time I actually used the second set of brakes on my bike that are on the upper handle bars. Most bikes don't have these and I have been told to remove them and get aero bars at some point. Using these made me feel so much more in control. I used a little less of my brakes and allowed the bike to get speed, I felt more in control of the bike so I felt better letting go a little. Sam talked me through the whole time and was very encouraging.
Then he rode with me to the top until almost all the way, then my chain seemed clackity clacking so I stopped. One of the mentors stopped and helped me realize I just haven't switched the gear all the way. I needed a little push to get going and then I finished my third trip up the hill! A few people went for a 4th run but I was more then happy to call it a successful day and head back to my car!!