Tire change clinic

This Saturday was supposed to be a big brick training at Lake Hodges. Unfortunately the rain had a different plan for us. It was due to rain right when we were to start. Coach had us meet at mission bay under one of the gazebos to do a tire changing clinic. Yet another thing I have been nervous about. It seems so technical and difficult BUT SO IMPORTANT. If you can't change a flat tire your race could end. The tire change kit was a stress for me as well, cause it costs $. I went at the begining of training to a bike shop and it was about $35 for a seat bag and all the tools needed. WHAT?! I also asked about bike short & oh those were $50! I may have talked about this before but I totally wanted to vomit. Why do I pick the most expensive hobbies?! Anyway me being me I knew I could do better. I purchased a discount coupon online deal for the tire change kit. Then I went and got one tube (still need another few). I hit up a warehouse sale got shorts for like $10. I spent the whole season driving around with the tire change kit in my car! I never actually got the seat bag to carry my stuff with! I knew it was a matter of time until I got a flat tire on a ride & I was going to be the idiot who didnt have her stuff with her! BUT my logic was also I didnt know how to change my tire anyway soooooo I will get to it. Luckily I got to it this week and picked up a perfect size, perfect price seat bag.
So this Saturday session began like all the rest and we had out little team meeting. At the part where the spirit award was given (have I ever even mentioned the spirit award???? It is not something I was all that into (sad to admit) It is an award given each week to someone who is selected by the mentors for showing the most spirit (duh). That person then takes the award home for the week and adds something to it and returns the next week to pass it on. Well this week as I was not even really paying attention cause my OLD running club was going by and I was hoping to see some friends Coach Brian got up. As he was talking I got this feeling of dread come over me....he was talking about me!!!!!! He mentioned he was glad to give the award this week because this person while have a very difficult swim Friday showed true determination (or something like that). I was honestly completely shocked. Let's face it I have a hard time conforming to the happy go lucky TEAM spirit here. Partly cause its just not my personality and partly cause I am still hurting and not willing to open up to a bunch of happy shiny people/stangers. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful group of friends and family who I feel so close and bonded with. They give me all the love and support I need, & because I am a busy person the idea of a whole new set of people to have in my life is just too much. (Go ahead and think it-WEIRDO). Anyway as I get up to recieve my award, another mentor Jean starts to share about my Scripps Poway ride where I was so scared I wanted to get a ride back but I just went for it, & then as she rode with me I shared about Noel and why I was doing all this stuff outside my comfort zone for him. THEN Coach added that I was making comments Sunday about how much I did NOT want to do the swim and then to go right back out Friday morning at 6am was real perserverence. Julie the manager added how triathlons are NOT easy and only like 4% of people do them. At this point I hit my emotional breakdown point. All this going on about me and all I heard is look at what she is doing for her brother. I really don't think anyone gets it or me. I go to this and feel like I don't really fit in but I do it cause I know I am supposed to for Noel. For my Mom & Dad and the hurt I see in their eyes everytime I am with them. For me and my sister who will never have our big brother's dispproving lectures again. For my kids who always say "I miss Uncle Noel". This is where I meet God and give all this to Him. This is where I am completely vulnerable and at my weakest...and becoming stronger physically and spiritually. BUT this moment broke me to my limit. I had to set the award down and go to my car and cry. Not a little sniffle I broke down sobbing. I was completely honored they chose to recognize me that is an awesome memory I will have at the same time I hurt for my brother. None of this means anything with him gone. With him having to suffer. I just cried out to God and shared my sadness with Him. I tried to call a friend to no avail (which is what He wants). I had such a hard time pulling myself together. Sometimes you dont realize the true heartache you are suffering because you can supress it with being a mom, working out, keeping busy. That moment was freeing it brought me back to reality, reminded me what this is about. After I stopped sobbing I went back to the tire change clinic with my ugly cry face (I hate that) I felt like everyone was starring at me. Duh people sometimes triathletes are weak :p
The tire change clinic was great in the sense that I did it, but only with complete suppervision from a mentor. I know that I am going to need to PRACTICE and I WILL! I am gonna bring my bike up in the apartment and just keep doing it over and over until I am the best tire changing momma anyone ever has seen. I have really FAT tires so it is very hard to get them on and off. Coach says I need to buy new tires (add that to the list). He said in the meantime I will need to leave my tires deflated until I have them back on the bike and then inflate them (this is opposite of what he has everyone else do). I had a rough rough rough morning after "the award" I was weepy and solemn. It was not a bad thing I just felt kinda stupid, good thing I dont care what peeps think haha. This training and instruction I am getting is really top notch and I am constantly blown away. I also feel blessed that I am going to be able to share everything I learned with my friends who want to join me in the sport.

Here is my family...just cause I miss him

and here I am totally thrilled with my spirit award. I am going to honor my brother and write "may the force be with you" on the backside of the award, as he was a huge star wars guy